It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
