I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
