Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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