Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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