We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize