I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize