Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
