Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
