I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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