Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
