I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
