you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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