I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
