Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
