Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
