i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
