I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
