i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
