The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize