i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
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