I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
