I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize