Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
