So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
