dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize