How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
