This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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