There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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