Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize