I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
