Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I wish there were birth control emojis
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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