I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
