NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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