You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
