he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize