So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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