i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
