I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
