i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
