I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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