Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize