I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
