this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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