Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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