No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
