whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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