Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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