Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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