so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Couch. On fire.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
