Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
