I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
