I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
