the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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