On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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