I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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