Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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