I just made out with a guy for $7.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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