My balls are so social today.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
