First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
