did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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