Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize