i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
