Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
