1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
