you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
