vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
