yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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