i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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