His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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