Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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