so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We had sex on a dog bed..
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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