where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
