Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
