I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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