yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
