My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Randomize
