Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
