the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
