Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
