she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
