lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
