So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
