My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
