how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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