you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Randomize
