I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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