i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
