i barfeds in our rink
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
