I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
