we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Found your dick twin last night
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
