So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
