There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Someone came in the potted fern
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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