every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
