Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
