my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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