forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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