wat bout pragnant strippers??
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
