She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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