i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize