So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
