: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
