How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
